A3

i have to get this out. DVC club A3 can KMA. I dont know exactly why they did what they did, but they are F-ing retarded. RJ is a F-ing looser who only shows up for fun events and never does anything for PR. Beth has the loudest voice and biggest balls (bigger than RJ's.) she should have been president, but she turned it down and gave it to jose (they deserve each other.) Coward! i dont know what the hell julia's problem was. guess mob mentality got to her. the only reason why everyone compliments them is because they feel sorry for them. no wonder why mike did everything. they dont do shit! they are DVC for life! at least i am moving on to I-V league. they can f-ing go F themselves for all i care.

rewell... (-_-);

Im at a moment in my life where I stand before cross roads. I know where I want to be. Its just figuring out how to get there is the hard part. I guess I just need to take a moment and think about what I really want in life. There are just so many things for me to consider.

I had my fare well party Saturday. It was not at all what I expected. People I had expected to come and said they would come didnt, and there were people there I didnt really care about. For example, I had hoped Emma, Brian, and Francisco would have made it. But instead Frank Running horse (who I am not really a fan of) was there instead. it was nice to to see James and Jordan there. It was nothing but a huge sausage fest that devoured everything. Hey free barbecue, free alcohol, and no cost. Who wouldn't take advantage of this?

I suppose I shouldn't complain. It's better than nothing. Just that I am still trying to figure out why it is I had to pay for everything. It cost me well over $100. Granted that I didn't ask for money and that the venue and cooking was provided without my intervention. Still though, I felt it were that I pretty much had to throw my own farewell party and that I had to pretty much provide every thing. Please tell me if this seems strange. Perhaps it was miscommunication. However,I am not surprised. There was greater propensity for feeding rather than principle.

Well be that as it may, what's done is done and I can't go back and undo anything. Or get the patrone that I bought back. It's okay. I'm moving on to bigger and better things. If anything it's a lesson learned and this experience will make it all the more easier to let go and move on.

Goodbye.

farewell...(-_-);

Im at a moment in my life where I stand before cross roads. I know where I want to be. Its just figuring out how to get there is the hard part. I guess I just need to take a moment and think about what I really want in life. There are just so many things for me to consider.

I had my fare well party Saturday. It was not at all what I expected. People I had expected to come and said they would come didnt, and there were people there I didnt really care about. For example, I had hoped Emma, Brian, and Francisco would have made it. But instead Frank Running horse (who I am not really a fan of) was there instead. It was nothing but a huge sausage fest that devoured everything there. Hey free barbecue, free alcohol, and no cost. Who wouldn't take advantage of this?

I suppose I shouldn't complain. It's better than nothing. Just that I am still trying to figure out why it is I had to pay for everything. It cost me well over $100. Granted that I didn't ask for money and that the venue and cooking was provided without my intervention. Still though, I felt it were that I pretty much had to throw my own farewell party and provide everything. Doesn't that seem strange? Perhaps it was miscommunication.

Well be that as it may, what's done is done and I can't go back and undo anything. Or get the patrone that I bought back. It's okay. I'm moving on to bigger and better things. If anything it's a lesson learned and this experience will make it all the more easier to let go and move on.

Goodbye.

The details

Again, Im at a loss as to how to begin. I am, as usual vexed.

I went to San Francisco for the Japanese Cherry Blossom Festival. I had a difficult time moving around simply because it was crowded. I asked for help  but I was refused. Actually, I was denied four times. Perhaps I didn't make my request clear. However I would think my condition was obvious enough or that it was apparent that I needed help. Eventually I got by but it was difficult.

I have been dealing with MS for approximately 2 years. Truth of the matter is, I am still in slight denial.

I am reminded of what's happened to me and it frustrates me every day. What's even more frustrating, aside from my condition, is the fact that others around me (i.e. my family) do not fully understand what is going on with me. Nor do they care to want to know. Rather they are more consumed with what is going on in their daily lives. That being said I often feel ignored. It would almost seem that no one wants to deal with me simply because I am such a burden, or so they perceive me to be

I do my best to retain my independence and try to do things on my own. But it feels that nobody notices the effort I put into making life more manageable when it comes to dealing with me. It's almost as if I am invisible and nobody would rather pay attention to me.

In addition, I try my best to help others even though I myself require help. For example I went before ASDVC to request money to be granted to DSS for the purpose of tutoring. Nobody else stepped up but I made an effort to do so on my behalf.

It's not that it went unrecognized that matters. But the point is that even though I am disabled I can still function and perform. I am tired of others treating me as if I am incapable I often feel under estimated.

My president of ICC has told me that some individuals perceive me as having given up on myself due to my condition. Along with that he told me that others have noticed a sense of pessimism coming from me. Personally I resent these supposed observations. If anything I feel I have demonstrated a willingness to persevere and endure despite the hardships I encounter. I am not going to lie. It does get frustrating at times and there are times when I simply do not want to endure any longer and in that respect I can understand why some would say that I have given up. Let them say what they want. They do not understand, nor do they know either myself or my condition. I care not.

Truth of the matter is, sometimes I do feel like I want to just quit. And I want to cry due to the frustrations I endure. However, as I have indicated in previous entries I will not give up nor will I quit. Perhaps it is denial but I feel that my condition is only temporary and that this too shall pass. I believe in myself and what I am capable of either will not let this condition tear me down. I know I can overcome this. I will defeat my MS one way or another. Show me how that is an act of giving up or being pessimistic.